Thursday, January 7, 2016

The Suck

I used to think I had things to say. Looking back I probably didn't and I certainly don't now. How that switch came about I'm not exactly sure, but it's probably having to do with my expectations of what is interesting.

Mostly I find I bore myself when I write. I try to have interesting thoughts and ideas to write about but...there's nothing.

Where was I going with this?

I can't remember but there's a quote, this quote by AJ Jacobs - whoever that is: Embrace the Suck.

Not the suck like "I suck"...

Sucks to suck, Eric
...but the hard uncomfortable stuff, the boring stuff that brings about results that aren't boring - the 4:30AM wake ups, going to the gym where you don't have any friends, eating the spinach, not eating all the things that you want to eat - all the things! - running when it's 5 degrees, going to bed early. Those things...they suck. They are gritty and beautiful and satisfying but then I'm like "It's Thursday and I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. Any of that. I want to eat bread and chocolate and binge read fiction books and online shopping and not do anything at all on my To Do list. Sometimes I basically go to my Do Not Do list and do all those things - every one of them - because I look at that and I'm like Look at all these great things! and YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO and then I'm like WHY DO I SUCK MY LIFE IS FALLING APART and it's like Yeah well they were on the Do Not Do list for a reason and now you're sad and chubby. Should have listened to your rational self who wrote the Do Not Do List in a moment of clarity and ambition.

My life.

So yeah but what AJ was talking about was the gritty stuff, the stuff that only sucks when you're thinking about having to do it right now, but once you start you're exhilarated and once you're done you're happy and healthy. Those are the things I'm trying to do.

Who knew?
Embrace the suck.

I don't know if it ever stops sucking, but eventually you give up arguing with yourself about it, which really is the exhausting part, and don't even acknowledge that there is another option so it's no longer "This sucks" it's just "This is what I'm doing now". Wish we could just skip to that part. But that beginning This Sucks phase is part of the suck that must be embraced and so can't be skipped. At first my whiny side is all You want me to do what?! Don't be ridiculous! Have a nap, you're clearly unwell. Eventually, if the rational gritty self wins out enough, the whiny side tries a wheedling But...but...but...naps! And pastries! And eventually it just gives a perfunctory No but already knows the battle is lost. Or won. And my bad ass self is like YEAH SUCK IT.

Also, I really miss riding my fucking bike (swearing is on the Do Not Do list but pretty sure it's the only thing on the list I haven't accomplished yet today and I like to be thorough). And I miss being at the point where I was fit enough that riding was fun. But anyway it's snowy and I don't have a fat bike and all my friends who ride are in another town so it's all beside the point. Moving is disruptive, everybody, I don't recommend it unless you're an adultier adult than I. Which is likely, let's be honest.

OK. Tomorrow I'll try to accomplish the other list. ONLY BEGIN. It's the only hard part, truth be told.

Embrace the suck! Be all THIS SUCKS...yeahhhhh, isn't it great?

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